Two rupees on the FIFA 2014 big fat opening C! (two cents is seriously inadequate with the depreciation of the rupee)

Ola amigos! So I was away for a bit as I was busy with some family stuff, but yeah! It’s high time for another blog post!

Brazeeeell! (to the tune of vengaboys) Yayy its time for football again! A celebration of not just sport, a festival of culture, dance, MUSIC and so many good things in the human spirit!  There I was super excited about the FIFA 2014 world cup and all the awesome theme songs they usually come up with... I was dying with anticipation to watch the opening ceremony; I subscribed to the cable channel which aired the show, almost cancelled plans to meet with my girlfriends thinking the ceremony started at 8 pm. (But luckily decided to pick the chicks over kicks!)

The ceremony was starting at 15.15 on the other side of the world; but the beautiful full moon had already risen above this eternally sunny spot I blog from on that 12th day of June. The time difference was a nuisance, but hello, it’s the football world cup! Happens only once in four years, it’s going to be totally worth it, so I think, sigh. Flashback to 2006 and Germany, that definitely was a good show. Il Divo's performance of "time of your life" with Toni Braxton was classy and emotionally connected; definitely something you would not want to miss. Even Ricky Martin's "cup of life" at the 98 France opening was a joy to watch. Shakira at the last world cup in South Africa was pure awesome with a capital "A". As performances got better and better over the years with the developing technology in multimedia and the revolutionizing entertainment industry, there was a lot of pressure on J Lo and Pitbull. I was expecting a mega-manic-sick performance at this opening ceremony, and if anyone had the capacity to deliver, it was them. Pitbull is an "animal" (pun intended) who could conjure up a hit song out of just a few random Spanish words. And J Lo too has that extra-ordinary star quality; I mean Jenny from the block is now an international superstar despite having no exceptional singing talent.

It was almost midnight, so I brew myself some coffee and settle down on the TV couch rubbing out the sleep. I was hoping the wonderful opening ceremony would keep me awake but it was the coffee this time. I'm not sure whether or not to thank the coffee, I would be more than happy if I fell asleep on this one! Through my droopy lids I see really tall broccoli walk into the stadium (they were on stints). I mean what does broccoli have to do with Brazil?? And then these fuchsia things which looked like onions and faces painted like drag queens gallop into the grounds. Vegetable salad?





Maybe. Then I hear the word "amazon" among other Spanish/Portuguese words. Oh right, flora and fauna, the amazon! Wow Brazil! Amazing work on keeping your fans guessing! And then come ladies dressed in baggy balloon frocks in a horrible shade of blue, this time looking like zombies with the white face paint. Water? I was getting better at guessing. Awww, sweet nostalgia! Memories of my Montessori concert some 20 odd years ago, we were dressed as flowers, trees and the river; we even had a sun. Ughgh Brazil, you forgot the sun! Or maybe that giant ball in the center was supposed to be the sun? Oh sorry my bad! 

Through more gruesome uncoordinated dance acts and acrobatics by football heads (I mean that literally), I sit hoping that J Lo and Pitbull would totally make up for this eyesore.

Suddenly the ball in the middle cracks open like segments inside an orange falling apart. A blond girl in a glittery blue costume is dancing and singing on a circular platform. Is that J Lo? Maybe not, that's the Brazilian pop superstar, Claudia Leitte. Pibull and J Lo emerge on the platform beside Claudia and I could vaguely hear "ole ole ole ola". Is it my TV or is the sound quality really bad? I was really looking forward to hearing the theme song at the opening itself. Has the song started yet? Or are they playing some background music before the song? Oh no no, it is the song! There goes Pitbull, dressed casually in a yellow Brazil football shirt and white pants with the hems folded. Was he expecting floods in Brazil? Not cool Mr. Bull, you should have stuck to your usual dashing style and worn a suit. J Lo on the other hand looked fabulous as she always does. I mean seriously, that woman could never look bad. Her outfit was really pretty and that olive green was totally her colour. She was waving her hand in the air and jumping up and down. Well she could have danced. I mean if a girl had moves it was Jenny Lo! Were those stilettos too high for proper moves? Has she retired to cheer-leading for Pitbull's performances? I can totally picture Simon Cowell going "Oops Jennifer, that was so karaoke!" And it's funny that Jenny herself is a judge on American Idol. The Brazilian girl was at least trying to save that performance with some fluid Latino moves, but it was way far down the drain. Having two hot girls on either side didn't do it for Pitbull this time. They are blaming it all on the bad sound quality. But don't they have a sound-check? What happened to professionalism?

Later on I found the song on youtube and it wasn't all that bad. Well, it surely is nowhere near the previous theme songs but it I wouldn't say it was atrocious.

It starts with a simple ole ole. Seriously Pitbull? That word is hacked!  Ricky Martin used it in "cup of life" and even before that a band called Arrow used "ole" as the catch phrase of the official world cup theme song "hot hot hot" in the early 80s. I'm sure you guys remember this song, it opens with "feeling hot hot hot"! The Spanish vocabulary surely cannot be that sparse for cool words; their literature is something Spaniards are proud of! And "ole is not even a word! It apparently has no meaning. It’s just a cheer word, simply like "yayy!" Dumb much I feel? Much much, for choosing this armadillo over my pillow! And the Armadillo wasn't even there! I was looking forward to seeing the official mascot, Fuleco the armadillo. Fuleco is a three banded native Brazilian armadillo listed as a vulnerable species in the IUCN red list. Fuleco being on the brink of extinction, maybe they were saving him from such a horrible show! So much for saving a species!

The other official theme song “we will find a way” by Avicii featuring Santana and Wyclef is different but again lacks the authenticity and spunk a song of this caliber needs. 
Santana plays some killer lead riffs which almost save the song but they should have tried harder, it is for a team sport after all. Music and showmanship wise, 2014 sucks for FIFA. Let’s hope the football is much better and those brazucas (the name given for the official match ball by adidas) keep kicking goals!